Reflections of a Sang

The End

2008-05-11T05:45:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted for like .. a million years..
Oh Wells, this will most likely be my last post, so if there is anyone still reading my blog after this LOOONNGG absence.. you've hit lotto!
Today is a momentous day.. The deed has been done.. Just a few minutes ago.. With implications for my future, my path, my life.. and my walk with God..
When I began writing this blog, it was to share about the daily blessing and lessons that I have learnt from God as I went through one of the most difficult phases of my life... I wanted to share about what God had done, had been doing and was continually doing in my life..
Along the way, I stopped writing as it got to painful, to bitter, too difficult to write as I don't want my blog to be a list of rants on how unfair life is blah blah blah..

Nevertheless as i write this post, I'm looking toward a new day. A new Chapter in my life is looming. I am afraid of what it might bring. I am afraid of what I might become. I don't have all the answers and to be honest I don't know what are some questions I should ask.

I can't even say with all honestly that I totally trust God with my life and it's direction forevermore.

All I can say is that for tonight, my hope is in You Lord. My Future.
Help me as I face tomorrow and the day after, that I will be able to say the same things.

Here are the lyrics from the song 'You'll Come' from the I-Heart Revolution CD from United that was incidentally playing as I was writing this post.

Prechorus
As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
As certain as the dawn appears

Chorus
You'll come let your glory fall
As you respond to us
Spirit reign flood our hearts
With holy fire again

The Words Of Job

2007-11-08T01:11:00.000-08:00

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,

and naked I will depart.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;

may the name of the Lord be praised." 1:21

Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble? 2:10b

Thanking God

2007-10-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

Waking up this morning, the first thing I thought was 'What can I thank God for?'
I'm not doing this cos' I'm like Mr. Oh-So-Optimistic/ Mr. Sunshine but was just trying to keep myself smiling throughout the day..
I've been talking to God lately, and at times it seems that everyone is kinda getting what they prayed/hoped for, but me?, I'm still praying... It's like it's raining everywhere except on me..
And honestly, it does get hard at times...
So back to this morning, I really couldn't find something to thank God for.. Well yes, I could thank God that I could still breathe, eat. walk etc... but I wanted to thank God for something that really meant something to me...
Got on the bus, and was still trying to think..
Then it hit me! I could thank God for the job I am in rite now.. Yes, I'm still praying for the dream job but at least I'm enjoying the job and the people that I work with...My co-workers in general at the cafe where I work are quite a nice bunch of people, and for those who are working, your co-workers and manager are really everything.. If the work environment is bad, going to work feels like torture, seriously...

And with that thought and prayer, it doesn't change the circumstance I am in, but the perspective with which I face it...

Why asian guys can't get white girls

2007-10-05T21:19:00.001-07:00

Why asian guys can't get white girls

2007-10-05T21:10:00.001-07:00

Was reading some of the forums in the SMH the other day. Came across this very interesting discussion topic.. 'Why Asian guys can't get White girls'.. Ian did asked me about this before ( oops!! ......secret out.. haha.. kidding lah..) but I did think it was an interesting topic to ponder, though not a length..
Watch the video, it's very funny and well edited, watching it it looks like the Main Star/ Director is a manga fan too.. haha..

Stories from Worship Leading.. Pt 2.7

2007-10-05T08:56:00.000-07:00

Worship leading has always been an endless source of trials, stories and tribulations to me..

Today was no different. For some time the issue had been on my mind. I have been to worship evaluations countless of times, and many different aspects are often evaluated.. Yet in my heart the question was always there, how much is it really God's presence, how much is it the charisma of the worship leader, how much is it the technical aspects ie lighting, music etc... and many other things...
I'm sure that many people out there have an answer to these questions, yet I told God I needed an answer from Him alone that could solve my questions..

For my worship session today in CG (or LG as it is now called.. haha).. I had two musicians (not expert ones like Lem or JosWee) and throughout the whole session we did in a sense face many technical difficulties...But really kudos to Wern Jing and Edna for rising to the occasion!! :)

Yet, in spite of all the technical difficulties and all that, I can really say that I felt the presence of God move today. It was amazing, I do not lie when I say that this was the first time that I led and still manage to worship the Lord the way I did!! It was amazing, to lead worship and yet at the same time delight in it... All glory to God!

I always tell people that with expert musicians and great music, it's easier to worship the Lord, but when the presence of God moves inspite of the absence of such things, truly, for myself, All Glory to God !!

Drink, Drank, Drunk... and Other Stories from JG Advance

2007-10-03T05:25:00.000-07:00

Yupz, back from the mountaintop experience...

JG Advance was like really, really fun. It was not too tiring or tedious but had the right balance of sharing and just chilling up there. Unlike convention where everything is rush here and there, JG Advance allowed for a more reflective mode.

God spoke to me during the sharing on the last night. It was about how when Peter saw the waves in the sea he started to doubt and as a result of that started sinking into the water again (straight after being the first human ever to walk on water!).. I guess the waves symbolised problems, and it is very true for myself that whenever I have this issues in front of me, I tend to lose focus on the one who should be focused upon, Jesus.

It's not just the job and all that, but also issues and experiences that I find it hard at times to let go to God. I don't want to move on and just serve, serve, serve without clearing some of this issues, as this can potentially be harmful in later days if not dealt with.

Yet I felt God was telling me that at times I have let this issues consume me. From the inside out. In a bad way at times. And I was challenged to let God deal with some of the issues, yet not sweeping them under the carpet and pretending they don't exists, but trusting God with them.

On a lighter note, the fellowship at JG Advance totally rocks!! Seriously!! We were really earth-moving, caretaker-awakening ppl !! Haha.. To the caretaker of Camp Tamborine (who if in the remotest chance reads this blog) I apologise on my part for the racket...

What racket... ?!?!??!?!

WELL>...

There were a few groups of us playing in the dining room... The scrabble nerds (though I think they had the last laugh when the caretaker came in. haha) ..Wen An, Lem, Miao Miao and few others, the Uno Gang led by the infamous KaKa Kan, and last but not least the Indian Poker gang..
Cut a long story short the loser had to drink half a jug of water (Yes, you read correctly, WATER.. being the Godly ppl we are, we didn't use the normal liquids most ppl might use in poker.. haha) ... And yours truly drowned about 1.5 jugs of water.. My stomach was so bloated it looked like I had twins!! Later we moved to push ups, where my luck didn't change either and I did the most push ups of all! Truly a mountain-top experience, beats fitness first anytime!

1st pic is a group pic of us with the card on our heads.. Cool eh??

2nd pic is ME! Drinking, drinking, gone..

3rd pic is of the boy friend of Pei Yin, wat's his name again?? haha

4th is of Mr Xi Liu, Aussie Aussie Aussie!! Oi Oi Oi!!

Similarity= All of us are CCM Presidents.. Sigh.. the burdens of presidency...

All in All, JG Advance was a success!! ... Yam Seng ! ! (Cheers)

The Job Saga continues... A New Hope

2007-09-21T09:51:00.001-07:00

A New Hope, aptly put; that was the title of the Star Wars IV: A New Hope.

As many who are reading my blog will know, the simple truth is that I am STILL office unemployed.

I guess the ironicy (is there such a word??!?!!?) of the situation is that two interesting incidents have driven that point in. I was talking to a fren the other day and she mentioned that another fren that had signed up with this job recruitment agency recently had gotten some database entry job.. I was dumbfounded!!
Cos I had signed up with that very same agency 2 months back and have tried sporadically to get a job from them but to no avail..
That was stab No. 1.
The other one was when I fren told me that she too had gotten a job in the office and she just recently graduated too! Stab No. 2

Please don't get me wrong, I'm really happy that both my frens have gotten a job, really.

Yet my heart is still wat the chinese call 'tong'. It seems as if rain is falling everywhere EXCEPT the Marcus dam. Seems that my fortune is on par with the Brisbane water situation... haha.. Dry humour there...

Yet I write this now, believing ladies and gentleman, that when my office job does come, I believe that with it God's abundant blessing will to! That when this drought is over, rain will wash me over and I will know from the bottom of my heart that the hand of God does move, the heart of God does care for me, and the will of God will be done!!

This will be my testimony, my story, the truth. Heart to heart. A New Hope.
Amen.

so WHY did u join church ?

2007-09-19T05:25:00.000-07:00

OK, after reading a comment by mr. John Park, I'm just curious, why did you join church?
Was it for the list of reasons below:-

a) God
b) Pretty gal
c) Hot guy
d) Marcus.. (ok, if you choose this one, jt sms me ok? save u face. haha)
e) Convenience
f) Friends
g) Affliated Hope Church..
h) Brother/Sister - ie Rachel Mok..
i) Affliated Friend - ie Chris Yong maybe?

I'll be honest, I chose Hope Brisbane because........ of the great ppl here!!!
.
.
.
.And also because it was air-conditioned.. I came during the 43 degree summer, and another church I went in Fortitude Valley (and has not moved) was not air conditioned, so yeah, I chose the luxury of the air-con..
And also convenience..(my college is only 10 minutes walk from Steel Lecture Theatre) and the fact that it starts at umm.. 3.30pm (not anymore for me though.. haha).

So yeah, the truth is out .. but hey!! God can change ungodly reasons to Godly ones.. Amen!!!
So WHY did u join church?

14th WOW Anniversary ... and more thoughts

2007-09-17T06:42:00.000-07:00

Yupz, it came and go, the 75th Annual Academy Awards.. NOT..

hhaa.. it was better than that!!! IT was the 14th Annual Hope Brisbane Celebrations.. woah, and did it live up to it's name! haha.. Was truly awesome, the whole atmopshere, the UQ centre, the ppl. all Glory to God, can i hear an amen!! haha..

.......

I remember going to the Hillsong Conference, and thinking, am I goin there for the band and the brand, the Hillsong brand? Am i so excited about the conference to meet God, or the party that will be in the acer arena?

I remember this statement made once by this skeptic, who said that 'Jesus is the most powerful marketing campaign in the world, the brand has lasted over 2000 years'

And maybe it's true, at times do we treat Christianity and it's works like everything else? When a recent popular Chrisitan singer/ song writer came down to conduct a concert in Brissy, I know many were excited. Which leads back to the question, are we, without realizing it idolizing these ppl instead of God? There's nothing wrong with goin for a concert, but when the focal point moves away from God to the singer, well, we might have to check ourselves..

Even for myself, when I go to events where there is like a special, well known speaker speaking I find myself very excited. At the prospect of hearing God's work definitely. But maybe part of me like's meeting the celebrity, like's telling ppl 'You know wat?? I saw so and so at this conference...

Food for thought, definitely. And enjoy the small pic. Happy Anniversary Hope Brisbane.

Random Conversations over the Phone!

2007-09-05T07:15:00.000-07:00

Very interesting last few days in the 222 Household. Some random guys have been calling Chris (my housemate) up and berating him with like super racists words.. (due to the general viewing of my blog i shall not publish, but go figure what it is lah.. haha)..
They jt went on and on with it..
But here's the interesting part..
Chris like totally took it in good humour and jt parted shot upon shot back at them (without them realising it!!)
Among the more memorable lines are:

CHris: Let's have a pot luck some time?
Weirdos: What type of **** word is that?
Chris: Pot luck is a new word for you eh?
Weirdos: We don't understand your s**t language
Chris: My s**t is language is called English. What's yours?

Haha.. It was just classical on the phone. Besides, when he started to speak 'fake' French to those guys, they thought i was mandarin or something..

Anyways, thats for day one.

The next day, I guess those guys were so humoured by the whole conversation that they actually called back to talk more to Chris... Amazing
And they actually said that 'He was alrite' ' haha.. Guess he managed to win them over after all..

Thought it was really cool the way he handled it. I guess most ppl would have probably started a shouting match with those guys over the phone. (I know I would) But yeah, learnt that patience, with good humour does really win over the crowd.. Even the most ardent of opponents..

I shiok Korean BBQ's !!

2007-08-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. Writing this after having a FULL stomach.. So this will be a Happy post:)

Had a terrific dinner last nite... Mr J. Pak, Gerald, Jimmy and Ming thru us this absolutely wonderful dinner last nite.. Korean BBQ .. i hear the ppl's mouth's drooling..
John bought this abundant amount of meat that we jt totally stuffed our mouths with.. He is such a great chef !! (gals, note this down) .haha.. but the best thing about the dinner was the entertainment.. haha.. kidding there but all four of them are such great host, really!!
I never really knew Jimmy before but He's such a funny guy, he should be like a talk show host or something.. and for those who haven't checked out their toilet before, gosh, it's like THE coolest toilet ever.. if your a couple..
If your're two guys staying together. haha.. let's say an open concept toilet with transparent doors is not everyone's cup of tea .. haha.. Those who haven't seen it, it's worth the trip to their house just to check their toilet out..
Anyways, we had a great time with Jimmy's imitation of various ppl we know (I'm binded by a confidentiality agreement ,so no names can be publish, but that doesn't mean you can't ask me in church :) )
And for those who don't know who John Pak is, go check out Rachel's blog.. I think he's gonna be quite popular in Singapore among gals aged 18-20 years who read her blog.

Negarakuku

2007-08-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

Was reading the malaysian papers today and came across an interesting article. Some guy that goes by the name 'Namewee' has posted an interesting version of the msian national anthem.. What was more interesting wat the response of the authorities in msia who wanted to arrest him for sedition blah blah blah.. the usual.. but yeah, do check out the video, it's in mandarin but it truly makes for a good laugh :)

On the issue of nationality, our 'friendly' neighbour across the Causeway has just celebrated their National Day. I was SERIOUSLY surprised by their patrotism.. We were at Sam's house where he cooked a sumptuos spread of Singaporean (ie Laksa, Rendang, Mee Siam, BKT) .. and later watched the National Day Parade.

Guess being from Msia, I'm not sure about others but my frens and I have never been the patrotic type. National Day Parade in Msia? 'Siao man, watch for wat' would be my fren's prompt reply..

Looking at the way the Singaporeans were reacting, I have to say that I do have a tinge of envy, in a sense I don't have the patriotism that they seem to have. Sigh

Toyota.. Oh What a Feeling !!

2007-08-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

Nice pic eh... Few weeks back joined my Aunt and family at Moreton Bay .. The gal and guy on my immediate right are my counsins... yes, they dun look mix but they are.. my aunt is obviously Chinese ... On the other hand, if my cousins were pure caucasians .. that would make me mix... ANYWAYS, back to the story

We went sand toboganning (is that how it's spelt??) and this pic was taken

Believe it or not, i received an email from my aunt recently telling me this pic had won a prize in the Sunday Territorian Newspaper ... She won a digital photo frame.. Coolness eh?

But yeah, this is the start of my modelling career.. sigh. hahaha

Quirky Tuesday

2007-08-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

This is like really weird, after a long hiatus of not updating my blog (though weirdly enough since NO ONE has my blog address so NO ONE actually knows.. haha) .. I've decided to update my blog, and to publish it... thanks to a certain individual rm who reminded me recently.. haha..
Had a really weird day today, for those who don't know yet I invested into a car with my buddy LewHW (.... try to guess that name out, post msgs and first one gets a prize, J2 ppl not allowed)..
And yes, lo and behold, the car broke down today... Interesting, it lasted about 1 week...
The repairs gonna cost like 70% of the car (no kidding :( ) ... so yeah ... quirky Tues ...

Cool Picture!

2007-06-23T07:23:00.001-07:00

United in Vision and Purpose. Amen !

Less than two weeks to Hillsong Conference. Excited!

For the Audience of One .. Lessons from Worship

2007-06-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

On Sunday I was on-duty to do back-up singing in church. For those who are unfamilliar with my experience with the Praise and Worship Ministry (PnW), I absolutely love it and have great passion for it, but it is also a source of constant struggle. I told a friend once that the struggle with running CCM when I was president is nothing compared to the struggle I face in the worship ministry. At times I hit so many setbacks (that it isn't funny.. haha) and that all I can do at times is to look to God and trust Him with this ministry.

Yet even though all this struggles, God has thought me great lessons, one of them being 'In my (Marcus) weakness I will glorify Him (God)'. And that has always been of such great assurance as I know that even if I can't sing the line 'There's a light in the darkness that shines....' right in front of an audience of 150 people ++, yet in my weakness I still glorify God, and truly, at the end of the day my worship really counts for the audience of One, God.

So on Sunday, I had some solo lines in the song 'To the ends of the earth'. As usual, I truly take this opportunity to improve my vocals but above all my confidence. Yet I was scared .. haha... i spent time with Lemuel (hopefully we didn't wake the neighbours up..:) ) practicing the lines the night before..

Yet on the day itself, I was still jittery, and as i was jt reflecting on the lines i was supposed to sing solo, I tot it was ironic that i was so fearful when part of the lines I was supposed to sing was 'Finding peace again, fear is lost in all You are' .. hahaha....There and then, i committed the whole thing unto the Lord. And I told God, 'I'll do my best, and You do the rest, for today, this worship is for the Audience of One, You!' (paraphrased)

The whole PnW session on Sunday went really well. Though we didn't have much time to practice (like really short), yet God moved and the rest they say is history.

And yes, I can't end this post by saying that i sang those solo lines and ppl started crying.. haha.. In actual fact I didn't sing it at all in the end as Pastor Wen An focused on singin the chorus in the end. Yet the lesson I learnt that day was you could say priceless..

I believe God will one day use me mightly in praise and worship. But for now my job is to believe. and trust. and hope.

In an unfailling God.

PS: The picture is a graphical representation of the title. It is not the actual PnW session itself. (though one day I hope every Sunday will be like that!)

Circumstance versus perspective

2007-06-15T06:54:00.000-07:00

Last Sat I remember I was feeling really low about the whole job search and all that. Nothing seemed to be progressing and I was starting to get disheartened over the whole job thingy. I was like God!! ... I need to find a job soon.. That with other problems made me feel really crappy throughout the weekend.

On Sunday, after church, I came back at night and came to the conclusion that I could either continue to wallow in self-pity and feel crappy or I could do something to change it. Since no one was home yet, I decided to have an impromtu praise and worship session, backed up by my own guitar playing!!!.... kidding... haha.. by the computer more like it ....

But as I was jt praising and worshipping the Lord, I felt God challenging me to give Him glory despite my circumstance. I was like.... You serious God? Yeah, I know that's like the Biblical thing to do and all that, but now? I had been feeling low for most of the week dee...
Yet I felt God challenging me to worship him despite my circumstance. That we are to worship him not through our circumstance (which we can't control) but through our perspective (which we can control and change). It was a classic case of mind over matter. Though I know it like the Bible says so and so, but here now was a chance, an opportunity to put it into perspective...
So yeah, has my circumstances changed? ( I am still unemployed professionally as i write this)
but my perspective has definitely changed.

And that counts.

Great testimonies are borne out of Great trials

2007-06-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

For the past week or so I was quite in a quandry as I was finding it difficult to find a job. I was getting quite discouraged over the whole job search. With other things happening in my life, you could say I was at a low point.During Sunday service, I was telling God how tired I was, mentally and to a certain extent spiritually too. Even when I tried to bless others, I felt tired and weary over it, and I had an impression that my 'well' was getting dry and God was telling me to refresh in Him. Refresh.

When I got back from dinner on Sunday, I told myself I would not dwell in the dumps anymore. I was going back to the source of energy, of comfort, of rest. To revitalize.I just chose all the songs that really brought glory to God, like 'Awesome God', 'King of Majesty' and so on. Then I just took my room as a stage for God, and I was singing to one audience, God (Thankfully all my housemates were in uni studying, I spared them the horror of listening to me sing, pray and also shout.scream..haha)

As I sang, I really felt my spirits lifted. And the soft voice of God whisper to me 'Let your job be a testament of my Grace'. I was so lifted! Truly!With every great testimony that we hear, there is always the beginning, the climax (where there is no hope to be seen) and then the finale, where all ends well. Great testimonies are borne out of great trial.Am I going through a great trial and testing? I guess I am. Yet will it be worth it! I pray that when this whole saga ends, I will have testimony that is worth it's weight in gold. So that others may be blessed when they hear my story.

Has my circumstance changed? Not one bit. Has my perspective changed. Definitely.
To believe that my Father in heaven has my best interest at heart.

Feelings and Truth

2007-06-09T08:41:00.000-07:00

Love Saturday nights. That's usually when I get to chill out and watch up and coming movies in the cinemas with my friends. I was looking forward to a cool night out with no dramas but I guess it was one of those nights where I had a choice to choose. To choose between my emotions.
The night before I was reading this devotional which talked about feelings, and how more often than not feelings are not aligned with truth. Feelings are definitely useful to us homosapiens ie humans but they do not define the truth. In the devotional it talked about how we may feel worthless, but in fact we are NOT worthless as the Bible clearly states that. And that is so true. More often than not I have to remind myself of this. I have this 'moments' when I feel like I'm useless, that everyone is better than me and am I really called to serve God in this area, that area and all that. And often it is only by the Word of God that I can reconcile my feelings with the truth. I love this verse is Pslams 139: 13-14 'For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well.' And yes, I have to force myself to believe the truth of God instead of the lies of the devil. Is it easy? No!!! But by God's grace, when I reconcile my feelings with the truth, the lies, low self-esteem disappear.
And back to the cinema, while I was watching Shrek I realised that my wallet was missing. And my heart missed a heartbeat. I was mentally calculating how much money I would lose. And now was not the good time to lose money. I looked around my seat but couldn't find the wallet. And then I had a choice. I could either panic and worry and spoil the whole movie for myself (which was really good by the way) or I could trust God that my wallet was safe. I suspected that the wallet might have fallen somewhere to the seats on my right, but strangers were seating there, and I could not interrupt them midway to look for my wallet. Best as I could, I told God that I have been in similar situations and God has helped me, so why not trust God now. I ended up enjoying like 80% of the movie, with 20% intermittenly thinking about the wallet.
When the movie ended, I quickly got up to look for my wallet, and lo and behold it was there. I thank God for taking care of my wallet, yet the more important lesson I learnt was to trust God in the midst of the situation and to choose to trust. If I had worried, I would ultimately still find my wallet, but I would lose out on enjoying the movie. Or I could trust God, enjoy the movie and still find my wallet! Win-Win situation :)
God is Good.

PS: Cool quote from CS Lewis ' If you don't love someone, behave as if you do, and your feelings will catch up'

Oxymoron - Reflections/Sang

2007-06-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, so we have it at last, I have decided to write a blog. I think the world has been like writing blogs forever, but recently I have felt it in my heart to start a blog too. It all started as an epiphany one morning, and thus has come to realisation. But we shall go to that later.
How did I come about with the title? I guess to me the title IS an oxymoron. Examples according to wikipedia are like 'Pretty Ugly' and 'Questionable Answer'. People who know me well and those who don't know me well but still have ears will realise that I am a sanguine
, and quite a strong one at that. And reflecting is not exactly a strong characteristic of a sanguine. And yet as I have grown in the Lord, I find myself reflecting on life more. The ups and downs, and the occasionaly giant drop. And I want to pen it down.
Therefore, here we have it, Reflections of A Sang.